A Wannabe???

Have you ever met someone who just has to say something negative? even if its veiled in a joke, you know that they're getting a dig at you in a creative little whimsical way? Sure we do...we all do.

Call it being mean spirited, "haters", bitter, angry, insecure....whatever! who knows, and lately I'm not really sure that I care to know anymore. Enter...."Jim"...not really his name but for the sake of this blog entry, lets call him Jim.

Jim's someone I know and have to deal with sometimes because of work. Not someone I'd say I necessarily "dislike", and I'm not particularly someone I'd say he "likes"... why? I don't know, and as of late, (as i said) I don't care. I have my suspicions but that's an entirely different blog entry for another time.

I recently ran into him in a place he could'nt too easily avoid me and he HAD to say hi. I said hi but immediately got "the vibe". I was courteous, professional, and gave him the standard platitudes and tried to ignore the "GOD WHY DID I HAVE TO RUN INTO YOU?" vibe from him...I made small talk and gave him an 'easy out', to get out of the conversation, but in as much as I could bet that he'd rather not be talking to me, he couldt not help himself and went in for it...

"hey man, so what's with the wannabe farmer thing?..."

He caught be completely off guard and I got stumped, and for a second part of me wanted to explain myself...

Hurricane Andrew...9-11...My career covering disasters...George Floyd Riots...covid19...TP Shortages...Supply Chain issues...head of household..." my brain started formulating ways to answer this and justifying it by life exeperiences, and part of me wanted to cut through the chase and just ask him, "Hey moron...what exactly is your problem with me?"

Well, fortunately, commons sense kicked in and all I said was, "just practicing for the farm I'll buy someday", with a smile on my face.

I know that he follows me on Facebook and Instagram, so part of me wanted to just block him and be done with the annoyance (either that or be SUCH a smartmouth and provoke him to throw a punch at me)...thankfully, 52 year old "papa" Rudy thought the better of that approach and just got over it.

Having said that, something about it kept on bothering me. All of a sudden I started wondering if other people were thnking the same thing, and as much as that doesnt annoy me, I decided to write this blog entry and kind of maybe talk about this as well as a couple of other things.

There is a very popular little phrase that's a bit of a back handed compliment to give, "Jack of All Trades-Master of None".

The other night I was interviewed by Gabriel Bello on his Web channel on the release of my film, in the "get to know you" portion of the webcast, he made a little comment that made me slightly uncomfortable, he said..."how do you go from guitar player, to film making??"

In context.."how do manage to find time to do 2 things that require your full attention at the same time?"...and to that I would say, well, because now it's 2 things instead of 3, "my kids are grown and mostly gone out of the house".

Truth is, for over a decade and a half, it was 1. Raising kids as a single parent, 2. Full time TV/Film job 3. Playing, Writing, and YES! even playing on the road. How? lots of planning and very little sleep...having said that and with my kids being grown up, if I were to die tomorrow, I will have lived BEYOND a full life...

I digress...

First of all, if anyone is thinking that, I've done it to myself, I work social media a lot. In my line of work, exposure is an ever present element if you're "marketing" yourself, be it as a producer/director/guitarist for hire/songwriter.... its a 'contact sport' and the honest reality is...it works. During times in my life when I have not been so present on social media, I can definitely tell a difference in how much work I get, on how often my phone rings for gigs, on how much I'm invited to paticipate on songwriting or collaborations in general, etc. So,yes, I maintain a presence on social media for sure.

I was almost 40 years old when I moved back to Charlotte from my 2nd departure from Miami, very few people in Charlotte knew me as a guitar player, they knew me more for my TV work...having come back to Charlotte not just from Miami, but in essence bouncing back from a nasty divorce, I decided to come back with a vengeance, and believe it or not thanks to the gal I was seeing at the time I got REALLY encouraged me to pursue playing guitar again...well, God was using her to herd me where He wanted me.

From 2009 to 2019 I played professionally more than I have in all of my life combined, I wrote music with LEGIT writers, I got album cuts and music for television and film more than I ever have! and you know what? ALL by the grace of the Lord...but the Lord also wanted me to do my due diligence, and working "the socials" along with hard work, dependability, and punctuality I pulled off what I had thought was impossible, to succeed in a young guys' game as a 40-50 year old...(and going forward my motto is, as long as they keep calling I'll keep showing up.

My approach on the socials has been simple, to try to keep it interactive, to try to keep it fun and funny, to try to keep it random, to keep it current, to give my social media followers something to smile about. So far so good.

So, if the travel pictures, if the guitar gigs, if the pics of my family all contribute towards that, why would I not share my other interests that started along the way...for me? Survivalism, Ham Radio, Homestading, Livestock, Bushcrafting.

When 9/11 happened, my boys were 3 and 4 and my daughter was literally 3 weeks old. As all of us do, I remember vividly what those following days were like...the world seemed like an unsure place, if felt unsafe, and for us who had young kids there was a futility that try as hard as we would, ultimately it would have to be God almighty who would be the only one that could RELIABLY be fully relied upon to keep them safe.

During those days, as my ex wife watched American Idol, I sat in the corner on my computer and started doing research about survivalism, the Chief of Homeland Security under Goerge W Bush sent the whole world into a panic when he said "Go buy duct tapa and plastic". Yeah, not only was it scary how crazy people went over that, but it also seemed RIDICULOUS that people ACTUALLY believed that plastic and duct tape was the solution to the realities and the woes of 21st century terrorism. As I laughed and shook my head at that, I could not help but imagine that I was having these feelings of wanting to know that I could do more than tape and plastic to protect my family beyond a good lock on the door and a shotgun at home, there HAD to be other people feeling the same thing.

Thank you oh-so-young internet... I found out real fast, yes, yes there were. In those days the web was infinitely less regulated or censored than it is now and unfortunately as such, the first with that mindset that I came across were more of the separatists, neo-nazis, weirdos in the hills of Pensylvannia... nope, struck out with that... back to the drawing board. I actually drew up a system of large cement pipes that could double as a bunker, but that was kind of ridiculous as installing it would not only be not cost effective but also not very "secret" as the entire neighborhood would have witnessed the trucks bringing the materials and a small crane lifting them, not to mention the mess of burying them, exvacators, etc.....yeah, bad idea.

After thining about it to the point of almost obsessing I decided that the best thing that I could do beside platic and duct tape was a healthy food supply, potable water, sanitation, and protection. Over the years that follow, my plans would get altered by the afore mentioned divorce..but once my family was back and re-estabished here we went to work. By now I had heard the term "prepper", I guess I considered myself a prepper for several years but then I realized that so many people were more concentrated on a "possible" disaster/apocalypse/calamity that they were depriving themselves of living in the here and now... therefore I decided to make my every day lifestyle on of self reliance and dependability. I focused on firearms, emergency preparedness, communicatios (Ham Radio) and finally, food growing.

The term I like a lot more than "prepper" is "homesteader", once I got started trying to adopt this lifestyle I found myself waking up pieces of my DNA that I did'nt realize I had...my grandfather's genes. Its a lot of research, a lot of reading, trial and error, disappointment...but most of all, a lot of work.

When the pandemic started, during the early days, when my company sent us all home and said "come back when we call you, if there is a world to come back to", while people panicked and ran aroud trying to find toilet paper, we literally locked the doors, deployed our measure of security, and were willing to (and capable) of not leaving ghe house for 2.5 years. I had people calling me and texting me, "I will never make fun of you again" or "I should have been listening to you all along!". Forget toilet paper, we had masks, hand sanitizer, and .223 ammunition when the world ran out. The pandemic made me realize that God had been preparing me for those days, the 2 years that followed made me realize that more than likely, that was just the dress-rehearsal for what's yet to come. So...back to "Jim" with the question...

a wannabe?

I guess I am a wannabe... I wannabe around when the world falls apart. I wannabe prepared to take care of the people I love in the middle of calamity. I wannabe someone who can lead others when the times get dark. I wanna be a source of comfort to people who are terrified. I wanna be calm when everyone is panicking. I wannabe used by God as an instrument of His grace and mercy when the world needs it most.

I wannabe all that, and so much more, and if Jim shows up looking for bread, I wanna be prepared to overlook his passive aggressive attitude and feed him anyways... that one I'm still working on, but I'm sure I'll get there.