I should be sleeping....but just like I have had for the last 3 years....I have insomnia and I'm awake...tomorrow I'll be sleepy in the daytime and won't be able to sleep cause I have stuff to do....so I'll write....
First, I have not forgotten, there are 3 Reader appreciation blogs that I owe you guys...I promise to finish those soon!!! you guys rock...
I had 2 AMAZING compliments given to me over the last couple of weeks...you know, the kind that actually do really flatter you....one friend of mine said "you've inspired me to write".....love ya girl! the second one said, "I'm staying on MySpace and not Facebook just for your blog"...ok....you know? that's like really awesome....Ms. Willig in 10th grade English would be proud! "Rudy Landa inspiring ANYONE to write???? I did'nt know he could spell inspire?"....ok maybe I"m exaggerating....but the whole writing thing for me (other than music of course) has been something that blossomed really late in my life....
As any blogger would tell you....a blogger blogs whether or not he/she has readers...when you blog.....truly blog.....the content falls somewhere between, journal/diary and essay/creative writing....but no matter how you approach it...it's the writer sharing his/her heart....if that writer is as lucky and blessed as I am....he has 2 readers that give a hoot about reading his blog! I am extraordinarily blessed to have you guys!!! I treasure EVERYONE of my subscribed readers...
I am a packrat ya'll....it's not that I pack away a lot....for some reason I get attached to things...if I was a chick I would probably scrapbook....but I"m not, I'm a guy, extremely straight, and I just end up with a lot of stuff in boxes that has followed me for years....
Tonight I looked in a corner of my office and saw a small box that was on top of and behind a bunch of boxes that I brought from Charlotte when I came back to Miami....(there's still a bunch of boxes in my garage in Charlotte!) anyways, I don't know why I took interest in this box...it was smaller than the rest I guess, and (even now as I type and look around my office) I can probably guess with pretty good accuracy what's in the other boxes...my effects processor box with manuals, my homeowners papers, school books of the kids from their kindergarten year, BetaSp tapes of my years producing Real Videos and working for Programming at INSP...but that little box was staring at me....and I did't have a clue...
So I opened it......pretty mundane stuff....I actually remember packing it about 2 years ago...my only 2 remaining year books...my 8th grade yearbook and my senior year yearbook....(the others were destroyed in Hurricane Andrew)...at the bottom of the box though there was a generic looking notebook that read "Subject Notebook"....it was in surprisingly good condition....I picked it up and opened it to flip through the pages....pressed inside, I found a handwritten letter....several pages long...it was from back in the days before home computers...before email, unlimited long distance, and Instant Messenger...back when we used envelopes and stamps and when keeping in touch was reserved for those who really cared to.
The letter was a letter that my mother wrote to me on the eve of my move to Nashville....I could almost hear the tears in her eyes through the writing as she selflessly wrote....go out there and give it your all....and if it doesn't work at least you'll always know that you tried....mom and I had become very close then being that we had just spend a year and a half rebuilding our home after Hurricane Andrew....I had taken over the contractor duties and did most of the woodwork in her home...we'd spent a lot of time together either arguing about how she could never just be content she wanted it MORE VICTORIAN!!!....or laughing together and telling goofy jokes or just listening as she lectured me about letting go of my anger that I had dragged through my teen years, and how God expected better than that.....it was hard for me to leave to Nashville, but it was my destiny, I knew it, and so I went....
....and so on the Aug morning when I woke up at 4 am...my minivan was already packed with.....boxes.....3 of them, my amp, my effect rack, my clothes and of course, my guitars....I drove out before dawn hugged my family and my best friend and I was off to conquer the world....a pivotal moment in my life. As I started to drive off, my mom gave me her letter and said, "read it when you get there...." tonight it all came back....so real, I was so there at 4 am a few yards from where I sit right now....and yet my life is so drastically different now....did I come back to Miami successful? I don't know, who defines success? and if so how do they measure it? I came back more weathered and hopefully wiser....(either way I did't come home empty handed, 3 little children came back with me)
Aside from the letter, that notebook also had random thoughts, songs I wrote in the early 90s, boy, my mind was in other places back then....I can so read the innocence and naivete in my writing from then....it was so long ago, so much has changed and yet it seems so recent...so much I'd love to do over, so much I'd love to change, so much I'd just love to live again.
At the end of the notebook....my to do list on our home before I left to Nashville...
-Finish the baseboards on the hallways upstairs
-Finish all paneling
-Check all waterlines for leaks
-put up lattice around back deck
-Paint all remaining unpainted wood
Some of that never got done, which is why I'm redoing the whole living room now! the other day I pulled a 15 year old piece of panneling and came face to face with my handwriting that read, "I love you Mary", "Bill Clinton Sucks" and "Elena 305-756-**** " ....the past never goes away ya'll....it's in boxes and under panneling.
The last page of the notebook read "My Nashville Check list" and it read just like this...
NASHVILLE CHECKLIST
Transportation
Equipment
Housing
Spending money
1.Tune up car $100
repaint? $300 (where was I gonna get it painted for $300!!??? lol)
UHaul or Ryder (evidently I thought I had very big guitars)
Gas and Travel $100 (ok this is just depressing, I can't get to Orlando on $100 dollars of gas now!)
2. GPS2101- $800 (no not a GPS tracker, this was a guitar processor that I felt would be my key to getting to the top of the nashville guitar scene.....SHA!)
EMGs $300 (guitar pickups)
Sonic Max $250 (honestly folks.....NOT A CLUE! some kind of flavor of the week gadget for the guitar I'm sure)
Cabinet $300 (I wanted a 4 X 12 cab really bad....
*this is my favorite one.....
1st, 2nd, and last month rent @ $300 a month...$900
phone $100
Life was simpler then......the little notebook, the letter, and the yearbook now go back in the box, we'll see when they resurface...me ?I'm going to bed....I have to finish the paneling in the morning....who knows?....maybe in the morning I'll write under the pannling, "Rudy Giuliani in 08"...........I like his name.
** if you read this before I revise it for grammar and sentence structure, I apologize...It's late and I'm going to bed....I will clean it up later, please come back and check it out again**
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