Well, here it is again, the end of yet another year, and for me it feels like it went by at record breaking speed. Like everyone else, espcially at my age now, I stop to take a quick look back at the year that just flew by and try to estimate if I am better off than I was last year at this time.....well, my feeling is that yes I am in fact better off than last year at this time, but in my situation SO MUCH better off than I was 2 years ago at this time. Two years ago I purposedly "forgot" to bring something that I had been asked to get from home to the New Year Party just so that I could run home and get it at midnight and avoid all of the hugging and cheer of New Year.......not so this year, I have been in the Christmas Spirit for several weeks, and have actually found myself really, really, into the Holidays more than I have in years!! my friends................the state of Rudy's life-outlook is strong! lol.....
Don't misunderstand me, I have a whole sleugh of chanllenges heading my way, I am starting a new full-time job in 2 weeks, I will be Mr. Mom (also full-time) in May, and I'm still trying to find the best way to move all of my junk from Miami back to Charlotte.....funny thing though, I am so excited about my plans for this new year, that I am looking past most of it (not ignoring it just dealing with it).
Every year, I find a secluded moment and try to weigh what my defining moment was in the previous year.....what stretched me the most? This year I would say that from a career point it was probably my political coverage for the network, man did I learn a lot....
what lesson I learned best? Also political, that you can build an entire mulitmillion dollar presidency campaign telling people that you will bring about change, then get in bed with a half a billion dollars worth of special interest money, appoint a cabinet chock full of the same old same old of DC and people still inhale the fumes of the promises that you're actually gonna bring change! wow....amazing.
what was my favorite or most embarrassing moment? Favorite, probably my work in the West Bank in May...most embarrassing would be having a 3 or 4 minute long conversation with a wrong number call......and that it took that long for me to realize that it was the wrong number!
In addition to all of the great friends in my life there are the new friends I made...so, so many, Edie and Taylor became so dear and essential to me, Dana and Patty Lanning friends from heaven! My eternal weakness, my Arab princess Sandy......and then there are the ones I knew but just got so much more endeared to like Donna and Scott Long, Tonia Oravec, Jen and David Petrino, Shashaw, and of course the scores of rediscovered friends through Facebook and MySpace......
what lesson I learned best? Also political, that you can build an entire mulitmillion dollar presidency campaign telling people that you will bring about change, then get in bed with a half a billion dollars worth of special interest money, appoint a cabinet chock full of the same old same old of DC and people still inhale the fumes of the promises that you're actually gonna bring change! wow....amazing.
what was my favorite or most embarrassing moment? Favorite, probably my work in the West Bank in May...most embarrassing would be having a 3 or 4 minute long conversation with a wrong number call......and that it took that long for me to realize that it was the wrong number!
In addition to all of the great friends in my life there are the new friends I made...so, so many, Edie and Taylor became so dear and essential to me, Dana and Patty Lanning friends from heaven! My eternal weakness, my Arab princess Sandy......and then there are the ones I knew but just got so much more endeared to like Donna and Scott Long, Tonia Oravec, Jen and David Petrino, Shashaw, and of course the scores of rediscovered friends through Facebook and MySpace......
This year however, I tried something different.....this year in addition to all of the wonderful blessings like the health and love of my children, I stuck my head into the dark side....this year I reached a little deeper into the uncomfortable part of my past.....this year I forced myself to visit for a little while the things in my life that I have lost.........I refuse to be melodramatic about this so I won't be, but I did this none-the-less.....I looked at the worst time of my life and asked myself...."what got me there?"
"What got me here".....it's human nature for us to defend ourselves....someone raises their hand, we block, someone throws a shoe we duck (KILL THEM WITH A "YOU INSIGNIFICANT SPECK OF SKIN WITH OPINIONS IN MY WORLD" GRIN) but you duck none the less, .....we defend ourselves.....why should blame be any different, so I chose some of the worst things that have ever happened to me in recent history and I asked the question, why!?
I gave myself to sit there and throw fault and excuses at everyone else.....personally I could argue that the faults that I threw were warranted, merrited, and that I could even have consensus from my friends......but in all honesty, I was looking for something deeper, and so I went there.......I asked myself a question that most people DO NOT want to face........."what were MY faults"....
You know? it's so easy to always focus on the things that others do to us, that we are almost incapable of really and honestly looking at our faults and working on ourselves so that we never end up in that place again...........can you imagine how different the landscape of the world would be if people stopped and said, "I know they did me wrong BUT......there were times that I was impossible......let me not worry about what others did not me for a little bit and let me ask myself if maybe I did not BRING OUT those things in others?".......
Honestly, it was a tough thing to do..........I did not exonerate some of the things that others did to me, because some of those things are pretty much messed up no matter how you slice it, but I'll be darn if I don't take the opportunity to learn from the things that I did wrong in the past......I will NOT be the idiot that has to learn the hard way more than once just because I was too proud to admit that I made mistakes, BIG mistakes......
When I emerged from my inner search, I had not solved all of my problems, I had not made a comprehensive list of all of the things that I needed to work on......but I felt that I accomplished something far more important.....I went through a new frontier and set up a small camp.......and now, I plan to visit that camp more often, little by litte, more and more comfortable there... analyzing how I can give my life, my world, and the lives of those who I love the most, the best fighting chance from my side of the relationship to peacefully co-exist and treat each other with love and dignity.
Even in my worst mistakes, I see the silver linings in that hopefully I've learned to build a much, much better future...........
As I leave Miami for Charlotte, I thank every friend who's read my blogs, every friend who's ever given me a call to just check up on me or say hi, sent a TXT message, sent me a MySpace or Facebook message with encouraging words.....I am blessed beyond measure to have you in my life....Merry Christmas, and a very happy New Year!!!!
"What got me here".....it's human nature for us to defend ourselves....someone raises their hand, we block, someone throws a shoe we duck (KILL THEM WITH A "YOU INSIGNIFICANT SPECK OF SKIN WITH OPINIONS IN MY WORLD" GRIN) but you duck none the less, .....we defend ourselves.....why should blame be any different, so I chose some of the worst things that have ever happened to me in recent history and I asked the question, why!?
I gave myself to sit there and throw fault and excuses at everyone else.....personally I could argue that the faults that I threw were warranted, merrited, and that I could even have consensus from my friends......but in all honesty, I was looking for something deeper, and so I went there.......I asked myself a question that most people DO NOT want to face........."what were MY faults"....
You know? it's so easy to always focus on the things that others do to us, that we are almost incapable of really and honestly looking at our faults and working on ourselves so that we never end up in that place again...........can you imagine how different the landscape of the world would be if people stopped and said, "I know they did me wrong BUT......there were times that I was impossible......let me not worry about what others did not me for a little bit and let me ask myself if maybe I did not BRING OUT those things in others?".......
Honestly, it was a tough thing to do..........I did not exonerate some of the things that others did to me, because some of those things are pretty much messed up no matter how you slice it, but I'll be darn if I don't take the opportunity to learn from the things that I did wrong in the past......I will NOT be the idiot that has to learn the hard way more than once just because I was too proud to admit that I made mistakes, BIG mistakes......
When I emerged from my inner search, I had not solved all of my problems, I had not made a comprehensive list of all of the things that I needed to work on......but I felt that I accomplished something far more important.....I went through a new frontier and set up a small camp.......and now, I plan to visit that camp more often, little by litte, more and more comfortable there... analyzing how I can give my life, my world, and the lives of those who I love the most, the best fighting chance from my side of the relationship to peacefully co-exist and treat each other with love and dignity.
Even in my worst mistakes, I see the silver linings in that hopefully I've learned to build a much, much better future...........
As I leave Miami for Charlotte, I thank every friend who's read my blogs, every friend who's ever given me a call to just check up on me or say hi, sent a TXT message, sent me a MySpace or Facebook message with encouraging words.....I am blessed beyond measure to have you in my life....Merry Christmas, and a very happy New Year!!!!
Why is that some of your most embarrassing moments involve phones?
hint: "are you gonna get that?"
LOL... I'm glad the wounds are starting to heal...just make sure you don't pick at the scabs too much.
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3 years ago- Reply(1)
3 years agoThanks for your sweet and encouraging words as usual!
Love you and Ralph and the kids a ton!!
3 years ago
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3 years agoYou continue to amaze me with your way of writing what so many others feel. You are a beautiful person, and have such a kind, giving, and gentle soul. Taylor and I are blessed to have you in our life. I am grateful for you & your friendship. I am so happy that you find yourself in the "spirit" this year. I remember last year I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I too find myself looking forward to the season this year. You keep your head, and know that you will do wonderful at your new job and how blessed your babies will be to have daddy all the time!
We love u...
the FUOG's
xoxoxoxox
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3 years ago- Reply
3 years ago