~Letting Go

I read a quote not too long ago on someone's MySpace page, it read "...pain is weakness leaving the body....", I don't always get sidetracked by cliches but this one really got me thinking....I started analyzing the cliche and (as is true for most of them) cliches are born out of truth...I could not get it out of my head; as romantically motivational as those words are for say...enduring a brutal work out with free-weights, there truly is wisdom in those words, specifically from the standpoint that when refining or defining one's self, what does not kill you ......oh no.....another cliche!

I sat and analyzed my life as I so often do and then blog about.....because I for some reason feel compelled to, as my neighbor Angela would say..."tell my business...." to everyone..........................well, that's not really it...... a blog is not really meant to be a newsletter, just a place where you can think out loud uninterrupted....the phenomenon, however, is that others sometimes (thankfully) find your "business", or thoughts, interesting enough to read......I digress.....

I was analyzing my life and thinking......am I where I want to be? and OF COURSE the answer would be a RESOUNDING "NO!".....in so many areas of my life, spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc, etc, etc....so I invested a little more time and thought to myself...."what's it gonna take to get me there?.....where I want to be?" ....oddly enough I have come to realize that most of the goals that I want to attain are getting bottlenecked in one area of my life. Without sounding like a drama-king...I came to the conclusion that there is emotional baggage in my life that I am going to have to let go before I can get on with the business of getting on with bussiness (another dadgum cliche)...but it's true, all the areas of my life eventually link up with what's going on in the ticker....it affects your work, your income, your ability to focus, you get the picture......so what I want to know is, why is it that some of the emotional baggage is just so hard to let go?....

Some of the issues in my life I have had for so long that I honestly would not know how to live a normal day without making time for my issues...lol....and in all seriousness, letting go of some things in my life, means conceding defeat. Some things that I have held out hope for so long, some longer than others, way longer, some not so long, but it would mean admitting defeat none-the-less.....and so I guess doing so would cause pain.......maybe that's why the idea that pain being weakness leaving the body appeals to me......because it would give me something productive for leaving behind, or resolving issues that should have been gone, a long, long, long time ago,,,,,,,,,,or recently.

So, just like the letter that you sit there and stare at, and you don't want to open it, because you know that you're not gonna like what you're gonna read.....I sit and stare at the things that I have to let go.....

There's that part of me that says, don't give in Rudeman.......don't give up hope, don't stop believing....then I think of that tune by Emerson Drive: ...what if that one day, the one that you always said, if it ever came along you'd never let it get away, just like a last dance, you won't get a second chance, so hold on, what if this is that one day.... and I get stuck there....what if tomorrow things change?.....what if tomorrow finally comes? after I've let go and have moved on?....? to be a victim of bad timing?.....but what if I spend the rest of my life waiting on that day that's never gonna come?

Still there's a part of me that says, "so what if it doesn't?".....I think of that scene in Indiana Jones, where he finally finds the Holy Grail, and guarding it, is a Knight.....Sir Richard.......and he's been guarding the Holy Grail for centuries.....only alive supernaturally due to the proximity of, and because of his undying devotion for the protection of the grail, knowing that one day the "worthy" suitor of the grail would come, and he stood at his post for centuries just guarding it, with no regard for time, with no regard for sacrifice, finding his ultimate purpose in his sense of duty to do what his heart told him was the right thing to do.....to wait

.....what if we spend a whole life gambling that this one day will eventually come? what if old age finds you sitting in the emotional state that you were 18 centuries ago, 18 years ago, 18 days ago, or 18 hours ago? do I believe in principles enough to say, "it was time well spent betting on what could have been".?

....and so I stare at the letter in it's envelope and say......is it time to let go?
R