One thing that I find irresistibly cute about women is when, regardless of their age, they get together and turn into 12 year old girls gossiping spiritedly or exchanging views about how hot men are...I don't know, call me weird, I think it's cute in a funny sort of way.
So there I was last week sitting with 3 girls watching Dark Knight and kinda feeling like the gay guy in Sex in the City....but with 3 girls at a movie none-the-less....(don't hate)...... the previews start and so does the chit chat....first the bald dude from The Transporter Jason Statham flasher accross the screen....my friend next to me freaks out in her seat and starts jabbering at 500wpm about how hot Jason Statham is.....and right there in the midst of the previews and in hushed tones, these girls go from talking about Jason Statham to Vin Diesel (of course), to Leonardo DiCaprio, to Johnny Depp, and of course the late Heath Ledger, in a somber excitement about today's feature film.
As if somehow trying to be courteous and almost as if she wanted to make sure that I was not felt left out in some fashion or another my "BFF" turns to me and says (somewhat politically correctly).... "....so.....how about you? what girls do you think are hot" OMG, I almost laughed out loud quite literally, she rocks!... it was part hillarious, partly very sweet for wanting to include me in the conversation that I would contribute absolutely NOTHING to, but partly caught me off guard....
I sat there and started having fun with the question of course, knowing how disgusted and what great reactions I would get from throwing names such as Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra, or even Jenna Jameson to my friend....sure enough.... I think it was, and I quote... Ewwww.....skank!" ..... I love it!
After that, I reassured my friend that I was just kidding and I sat there and tried to answer her question.....but it was tougher than I imagined it would be....I mustered up a couple of ideas....like Renee Zeilweigger (spelling?) or Kira Knightley...but even in that, I kinda wasn't convinced myself...and so I had to pry myself from my thoughts to make sure that I did'nt miss anything from the new Batman in trying to figure out who I thought was hot....I realized that I don't ponder such things often....and so it bothered me enough to keep thinking about it in the back of my head for about an hour into the movie......here are my thoughts on some "hot" women....
I have to start with the obligatory.....since most women default to Brad Pitt, I kinda have to start with his wife.....that's right the ...gelina... from Brangelina.....Angelina Jolie of course...ok...don't spit on me if you're a guy, don't roll your eyes if you're a chick.....she is of course a beautiful woman...doesn't do it for me. I don't know if it's because in my mind she'll forever be Gia which is the first movie I ever saw her in....but she was too much of a freak in that movie and I just can't get past it every time I see her......I see (and hear, ugh!) Gia....yes, big lips and all.
Cameron Diaz? no....Julia Roberts....gag, (issues) barf.... Jessica Alba? very hot...her face reminds me of my sister Karen and I end up thinking of my sister Jessica Alba...so nope. Denise Richards....at one point I was crazy about her....and then Charlie Sheen kinda messed it up for me....(he's nasty) so... everytime I thinkof her, I think of "them" and......nope.
Even singers...Jennifer Lopez....P Diddy's been there...nope. Jessica Simpson, again very, very, very pretty, doesn't do it for me....(sorry dudes)....Christina Aguilera, I think some people actually got genital warts from watching her video "Dirty".....no way. Britney Spears was hot for about 5 minutes in 97 when she was rocking the Catholic School Girl outfit.....sadly now all I can think about is her head shaved bald and.........nope.
Gwineth Paltrow.....I have a toothpick in front of my computer that I might as well find beautiful....no.
So who are the women who at least have potential of hotness in my opinion?short list....
Kira Knightly (spelling?).......Charlize Theron.....Renee Zellweger (who sometimes looks really cute, sometimes looks like a Mongolic....) Catherine Zeta-Jones....Juliana Moore...Michelle Pfeifer.
Bonafide HOT!? just ONE!...........Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Ok.....I know I'm already getting accussed of having terrible taste....how could I possibly have left Angelina and Jessica S. off my top lists right?.......listen, don't get me wrong......they are obviously very beautiful women.....I am not arguing that nor am I trying to be ignorant here....they just don't get my heart racing and my palms sweaty................um.........seriously, they don't......but I started wondering why this is.......why am I utterly unimpressed by these and most of what are concensus "smoking hot" women? I have a theory.
It's not that I don't appreciate a beautiful woman, after all I grew up watching Telemundo and Univision and my friends, do you want to see smoking hot women? surf the Spanish networks for 5 minutes......but it's more than that.....I really think that I get hung up on not being able to separate the storyline from the person......I actually used to think that Julia Roberts was hot and I stopped liking her when she stood Keifer Sutherland up at the altar (for all intents and purposes....) and then she goes and makes "Runaway Bride" to add insult to injury....over and over, Jessica with the Buffalo Wings, Britney and the shaved head....and etc. ;-)
I'm figuring out a lot about myself, about who I am becoming, and about who I've become here in my late 30s.....and I'm realizing that when it comes to my opinion of women (when I am in a situation of formulating an opinion of them) I automatically look beyond the skin.....for this, I'm grateful to whoever is responsible for that.....be it my upbringing or God.... don't get me wrong, I am a dude, and like last week, when the "hot" waitress walked by and Scott and I instinctively looked at each other and nodded in agreement, I will have my share of Shallow Hal moments.....but I guess it comes down to what inspires me in a woman....and it's not the outside.....not even close...I also notice this whenever a waitress tries to flirt a big tip out of me.....usually aside from the customary 15-20% depending on service, my biggest tip is...."try it on someone else love".
I guess I am inspired by the intangibles.....does that mean that I don't like pretty girls who take pride in their looks and upkeep? no of course not......I love it.....but it's those intangibles, like confidence, pleasantness, good sense of humor, and intelligence.....rocking out a good perfume is also a plus.
Again, keeping all of this in context with the whole "hot Hollywood" thing, yes I know, I'm pretty sure that Gwineth is not sweating what I think of her......that and she wasn't available to go see Journey with me on Aug. 2nd, but the principle is still there.....it's inspiration......a flawless figure, perfect skin, perfect hair, yawwwwwwnnnn! good for you..........can you tell me who sang the remake of LypSync's "Funkytown" in 1987? yes, PseudoEcho from Australia, and if you're a woman who guessed that right you're Jennifer Love Hewitt in my book....and you've inspired me...call me let's have coffee.
I'm at a point in my life where the biggest thing that any woman could ever contribute to my existence is inspiration, because I know me.......in my life inspiration leads to motivation, which will lead to me conquering this planet and sharing it with her......
At about the time that I turned to say "Jennifer Love Hewitt" as my reply to my friend's question about who I thought was hot, she was mumbling something to the other two girls about how hot Christian Bale was.....I just chuckled privately under my breath and turned back to the movie right at the scene where Bruce Wayne is walking into a party with three girls........ Sometimes it's fun to be Rudy.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Behind the Wall PT1
My orange juice tasted disgusting as it mixed in my mouth with the taste of my toothpaste...you know the taste...but this was Israeli orange juice...as much as it may be the land of milk and honey, and as much as they might try to brag on the quality of the Israeli fruit, which is by far the best I've ever had...the oranges still fall flat to my Florida OJ...
I looked at my watch and realized that Romi my driver and "Fixer" was due to pick me up from the hotel in 10 minutes...I ran out the door of the hotel restaurant and to the lobby, it felt like an eternity for the elevator get there and then for it to get to the 6th floor...I ran, fumbled about for my keycard and opened the door to my room...
"Dang it.!!..only 2 batteries fully charged..."
The middle east is the last place you want to get to, only to then find out your gear is not working precisely like it was designed to do...Randy, my camera man and good friend, had taken meticulous care of the batteries all week, but he had to leave the night before back to the States to a previous commitment...from that moment to the end of the shoot, I'd have to wear 2 hats, producer, and cameraman...fortunately we were done with the majority of the sit-down interviews so collecting scenics (or what we call in the tv industry "B-Roll") was the bulk of what I had to do...only one interview left....this morning...and Romi must have been pulling in front of the hotel at that very second.
Romi was a Godsend...I'd known his boss, Eli, for almost 10 years, and each time I had an assignment in Israel he would always give me the best treatment, he'd arrange transportation, travel, hotel and driver/guide...but Romi was different...Romi was not an offcial "Guide" licensed by the toursim board...Romi was an ex-military guy who had contacts all over Israel....he could get us into places and get us interviews that regular "guides" couldn't have dreamed of...what the resident foreign journalists call a "Fixer"...someone who could "fix" things...especially situations....or get you out of a "fix".
I grabbed the 2 good batteries, my bag with tape stock and audio gear, and of course the camera...by the time I made it downstairs, Romi was waiting for me with the back of the SUV open and my tripod already inside...Romi was on the phone...he was always on the phone...though I know very little Hebrew, I did not have to know a single word of Hebrew to know when someone is cutting deals and making moves, hustling, if you will....It's something about the tone of the voice...and the body language.....I could tell he was about to hang up when I heard him say "Hassan Al-Asman" (great! wonderful...terrific!)...by now we were pulling out of the Hotel and onto the main road...
"Ready?" he said...switching from Hebrew to English,
"Yeah, I think so" I responded...I went over a mental check list...after all...once you cross the checkpoint and go beyond the wall on the Palestinian side, there's no going back to get something you forgot.
Romi started with the instructions..."once you cross the border you'll see a guy on the other side wearing an orange t-shirt with English writing on it...he'll be your ride to the interview...Eli said you know the driver's dad....Anser" said Romi...he was refering to an incident in 2001 when inside the West Bank I actually got arrested by the Palestinian authority with the producer of the show that we had been working on...they had "issues" with our prescence there that day, and Anser, a good friend of the producer and a popular and influencial Arab businessman in the area, convinced the Palestinians to release us to his care and he took us back into Jerusalem...of course, with Rudy-luck on my side, on the way out of Jerusalem between Gilo and Beit Jala, the Islamic Jihad gunmen and the IDF decided to have it out...I was literally pinned to a wall, crouched down rolling tape on what little I could see while the Palestinians and Israeli's threw everything they could find at each other....
"...are you listening?!" Romi said kinda sternly..."...you must do this correctly...you do NOT want to end up in the wrong car with the wrong person back there!" he warned...
"Yes Romi, I know!!" I said trying to pry myself from my thoughts...and slightly irritated, but more at myself than at Romi
"...orange t-shirt...Anser's son?" I asked,
"yes,"...
As we pulled into the check point, I realized just how much things had changed since I had crossed the border 7 years before...yes this was a checkpoint but it was also a full-blown military enclave...There was the infamous wall...littered with graffiti...messages painted, "Free Palestine", "We are also children of Abraham", "Bush is a criminal"... lot's of other things in both Arab and Hebrew...on top of the walls were turrets armed with real machine guns...big ones. Armored vehicles idly sitting by and IFD soldiers with M-16s or AR-15s everywhere...but to them...just another Thursday morning .....all of the cement barricades you could ever want...and try as I did, I could not help but to think that if Lebanon ever invaded Israel....that this would be the exact place where it would go down.
"I almost forgot Romi..." I said as I pulled out my North Carolina driver's license from my wallet and handed it to him...
"Just in case?" he asked...
"yeah just in case..." I responded... I figured that if things turned ugly in there I could at least plead my case by saying..."I'm not an American, I'm Spanish" of course speaking in fluent Spanish....in such places...when in doubt...it's best to not be American....and of course, it's best to not have a driver's license in your wallet that says that you live in Mecklenburg County.
"Lata Drop Ana Sahafi" I muttered under my breath as I dug around in my bag, not really sure of what I was looking for but trying to ignore the little butterflies in my stomach....Romi laughed....
"What did you say?"...
"Lata Drop Ana Sahafi" I repeated again, smiling a little embarrassed and still digging in my bag, ...."don't shoot I'm a Journalist...listen Romi, you're sure you don't wanna go in there with right?" I asked him sarcastically and fully knowing what his answer would be......he laughed and said....
"Do you want me dead? "...
"No of course not", I answered....
"the West Bank is no place for an ambitious young Jewish man like me who would like to grow to be old man, call me when you are ready to come out, I will be in the area..."
...."thanks, I will," I said....I grabbed my gear and started to walk towards the checkpoint....
"Hey Rudy....been nice to know you".... laughed Romi...
"Ha ha....very funny Romi.." I yelled back through the chain link fence of the check point...sometimes I don't gel with Israeli humor like that...the butterflies did a little fly-by in my stomach as I kept walking......"Latta Drop, Ana Sahafi"....I kept rehearsing.
Just in case you're wondering, no those are not the real names.
I looked at my watch and realized that Romi my driver and "Fixer" was due to pick me up from the hotel in 10 minutes...I ran out the door of the hotel restaurant and to the lobby, it felt like an eternity for the elevator get there and then for it to get to the 6th floor...I ran, fumbled about for my keycard and opened the door to my room...
"Dang it.!!..only 2 batteries fully charged..."
The middle east is the last place you want to get to, only to then find out your gear is not working precisely like it was designed to do...Randy, my camera man and good friend, had taken meticulous care of the batteries all week, but he had to leave the night before back to the States to a previous commitment...from that moment to the end of the shoot, I'd have to wear 2 hats, producer, and cameraman...fortunately we were done with the majority of the sit-down interviews so collecting scenics (or what we call in the tv industry "B-Roll") was the bulk of what I had to do...only one interview left....this morning...and Romi must have been pulling in front of the hotel at that very second.
Romi was a Godsend...I'd known his boss, Eli, for almost 10 years, and each time I had an assignment in Israel he would always give me the best treatment, he'd arrange transportation, travel, hotel and driver/guide...but Romi was different...Romi was not an offcial "Guide" licensed by the toursim board...Romi was an ex-military guy who had contacts all over Israel....he could get us into places and get us interviews that regular "guides" couldn't have dreamed of...what the resident foreign journalists call a "Fixer"...someone who could "fix" things...especially situations....or get you out of a "fix".
I grabbed the 2 good batteries, my bag with tape stock and audio gear, and of course the camera...by the time I made it downstairs, Romi was waiting for me with the back of the SUV open and my tripod already inside...Romi was on the phone...he was always on the phone...though I know very little Hebrew, I did not have to know a single word of Hebrew to know when someone is cutting deals and making moves, hustling, if you will....It's something about the tone of the voice...and the body language.....I could tell he was about to hang up when I heard him say "Hassan Al-Asman" (great! wonderful...terrific!)...by now we were pulling out of the Hotel and onto the main road...
"Ready?" he said...switching from Hebrew to English,
"Yeah, I think so" I responded...I went over a mental check list...after all...once you cross the checkpoint and go beyond the wall on the Palestinian side, there's no going back to get something you forgot.
Romi started with the instructions..."once you cross the border you'll see a guy on the other side wearing an orange t-shirt with English writing on it...he'll be your ride to the interview...Eli said you know the driver's dad....Anser" said Romi...he was refering to an incident in 2001 when inside the West Bank I actually got arrested by the Palestinian authority with the producer of the show that we had been working on...they had "issues" with our prescence there that day, and Anser, a good friend of the producer and a popular and influencial Arab businessman in the area, convinced the Palestinians to release us to his care and he took us back into Jerusalem...of course, with Rudy-luck on my side, on the way out of Jerusalem between Gilo and Beit Jala, the Islamic Jihad gunmen and the IDF decided to have it out...I was literally pinned to a wall, crouched down rolling tape on what little I could see while the Palestinians and Israeli's threw everything they could find at each other....
"...are you listening?!" Romi said kinda sternly..."...you must do this correctly...you do NOT want to end up in the wrong car with the wrong person back there!" he warned...
"Yes Romi, I know!!" I said trying to pry myself from my thoughts...and slightly irritated, but more at myself than at Romi
"...orange t-shirt...Anser's son?" I asked,
"yes,"...
As we pulled into the check point, I realized just how much things had changed since I had crossed the border 7 years before...yes this was a checkpoint but it was also a full-blown military enclave...There was the infamous wall...littered with graffiti...messages painted, "Free Palestine", "We are also children of Abraham", "Bush is a criminal"... lot's of other things in both Arab and Hebrew...on top of the walls were turrets armed with real machine guns...big ones. Armored vehicles idly sitting by and IFD soldiers with M-16s or AR-15s everywhere...but to them...just another Thursday morning .....all of the cement barricades you could ever want...and try as I did, I could not help but to think that if Lebanon ever invaded Israel....that this would be the exact place where it would go down.
"I almost forgot Romi..." I said as I pulled out my North Carolina driver's license from my wallet and handed it to him...
"Just in case?" he asked...
"yeah just in case..." I responded... I figured that if things turned ugly in there I could at least plead my case by saying..."I'm not an American, I'm Spanish" of course speaking in fluent Spanish....in such places...when in doubt...it's best to not be American....and of course, it's best to not have a driver's license in your wallet that says that you live in Mecklenburg County.
"Lata Drop Ana Sahafi" I muttered under my breath as I dug around in my bag, not really sure of what I was looking for but trying to ignore the little butterflies in my stomach....Romi laughed....
"What did you say?"...
"Lata Drop Ana Sahafi" I repeated again, smiling a little embarrassed and still digging in my bag, ...."don't shoot I'm a Journalist...listen Romi, you're sure you don't wanna go in there with right?" I asked him sarcastically and fully knowing what his answer would be......he laughed and said....
"Do you want me dead? "...
"No of course not", I answered....
"the West Bank is no place for an ambitious young Jewish man like me who would like to grow to be old man, call me when you are ready to come out, I will be in the area..."
...."thanks, I will," I said....I grabbed my gear and started to walk towards the checkpoint....
"Hey Rudy....been nice to know you".... laughed Romi...
"Ha ha....very funny Romi.." I yelled back through the chain link fence of the check point...sometimes I don't gel with Israeli humor like that...the butterflies did a little fly-by in my stomach as I kept walking......"Latta Drop, Ana Sahafi"....I kept rehearsing.
Just in case you're wondering, no those are not the real names.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
God Bless Insomnia
My blog is messed up again so I’ll post this whenever I wake up tomorrow (hopefully my blog works by then.
It’s 3 am and my daughter who is the deep-thinking one of the 3 asked to sleep in my bed tonight, I know that she’s caught on to the fact that soon, I’ll be on the road again, I can tell it bugs her....come to find out she’s running a temperature AGAIN! ...seems like these bugs go from kid to kid and eventually bounce back to the first one....so I guess it’s her turn again...I was about to fall asleep when she stuck her knee in my back and woke me up! ugh!!! now I’m wide awake....I turned and looked at her and there she was...soundly asleep...I envied her for a minute....she looks so peaceful, getting her rest and dreaming about the Jonas brothers or her "glowy" teddy bear...or whatever you dream about when you’re 6...
I started thinking about the total and complete envelope of innocence that she’s in...she loves Jesus and sings Sunday School songs...she calls her brothers "immature" when they play with worms and pick up dead birds...the other day I think I adverted disaster when she asked..."Daddy, will I have a baby one day?" .....I thought to myself...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO no way, I’m not having this talk yet!!! helllllll no! so I said "of course" and changed the subject.....
Yes, I know....if her little inquisitive mind keeps bringing up the subject I will have to have a daddy/Victoria date over a chocolate chip frappucino with her...(yes, she requests it from Starbucks)....and explain the facts of life to her....I PRAY that I have 2 more years...
As I watched her sleep, and grew annoyed at my lack of sleep, I turned on the TV and there was Leno on the West-Coast, 2 am feed.....making off-the-wall comments about Britney Spears...I listened....and for some reason felt offended and dirty...I could not help but think about a time when somewhere, someone lay next to a little feverish Mouseketeer named Britney who was 6 years old....a little innocent little girl who’d never been in a music video, never befriended Paris Hilton, never been exploited by the media, the music industry, MTV, Rolling Stone, a country, and consequently a world of oversexed men AND women...me included...
I thought about her career and about the world and how it can turn on a dime...Britney broke ground with her music at about the time that I got married in 96/97...and how here I am 11 years later and it really does not seem like it was that long ago....but it’s been over a decade...I remember the first time that I saw the "Hit Me One More Time" video followed by an interview with her, and I remember thinking..."This is not the same girl as on the video!", the girl in the video was kinda....skanky, hot but skanky....this girl was sweet and looked.......innocent. Victoria slept soundly next to me under the glow of the television...
For some reason I had a vivid memory of a time when Britney was a guest on the Jay Leno show and I remembered thinking how well she did singing the song and dancing at the same time...I remember thinking how cool it was that she really was singing (you could tell that at some moments she’d get slightly pitchy, within reason, she’s dancing for crying out loud!) and remembering what a gentleman Leno was to her that night...as he usually is to his female guests...and then what a sujestive joke he had just made about her...
Since I always criticize people for being predictable, I am not going to be one and make this blog about what a hypocrite Jay Leno is....he did not make all of the bad decisions that Britney made in her life....she’s brought about her reputation on her own...made a spectacle of herself through her behaviour....non of it Leno’s fault...however, I can’t help but think of 2 things...
First, none of us can deny that at the age of 16...Britney’s first music video was nothing but an image that she had put on? is it not true that the Catholic School Girl slut that she protrayed was just an image? a "costume" if you will? now... can we also not say that Britney in 2008 does not fit in those clothes a whole lot better and aptly than back then in the late 90s? Is it perhaps that if you tell someone everyday..."You’re 99% sex, you’re 99% sex, you’re 99% sex" eventually they will take on the form of all that you’ve endoctrinated them to be?
Second, I ask...who benefitted from Britney’s image along her career? sure, of course Britney herself did, she’s made untold millions dancing suggestively....but what about the rest of us who were already grown and thinking beings when she broke as a teen-ager?....did we not watch her videos? did the labes not make millions off of her? did MTV not sell advertising through the roof with every video spin?, with every belly-button-baring special?, did women not catfight themselves into the last issue of People to get the latest on her and K-Mart-Fed? Did we not all somehow exploit her?....and yet we now hypocritically, condecendingly and self righteously shake our heads at the pictures of an out of control Britney, with her head shaved, broken by drug and alcohol abuse, crying over the loss of custody of her kids....and yet we’ll call her a slut and a freak when we all contributed our grain of sand to her demise? Again, we did not make her bad choices....she did....but God knows that without the adoration of countless fans and the comfort of millions of dollars, I’ve made bad choices that continue to haunt me to this day...
Victoria rolled over and mumbled something about Diego in her sleep....
And yet this is not a rant about how bad we are and how good Britney is...no, this is a father watching his 6 year old daughter sleep at 3 am...terrified of the world....thankful for a praying mother who daily bends her knees and prays God’s protection over her little grandaughter...and yet all I can do is teach her right from wrong, teach her self respect, teach her to value herself as God and her daddy do...teach her that money and material possesions are not everything and that kindness and charity are infinitely more valuable...
I look at myself and it challenges me to everyday want to be a better human being than the one I am today....for her sake and that of her brothers....UGH! another knee....this time to my ribcage...and as I cram a pillow between her and my dangerous child...I move the hair from her face and give her a kiss on the forehead...I smell her Strawberry Shortcake Shampoo...I love her so much...I will live for her, I would die for her...
It’s 3 am and my daughter who is the deep-thinking one of the 3 asked to sleep in my bed tonight, I know that she’s caught on to the fact that soon, I’ll be on the road again, I can tell it bugs her....come to find out she’s running a temperature AGAIN! ...seems like these bugs go from kid to kid and eventually bounce back to the first one....so I guess it’s her turn again...I was about to fall asleep when she stuck her knee in my back and woke me up! ugh!!! now I’m wide awake....I turned and looked at her and there she was...soundly asleep...I envied her for a minute....she looks so peaceful, getting her rest and dreaming about the Jonas brothers or her "glowy" teddy bear...or whatever you dream about when you’re 6...
I started thinking about the total and complete envelope of innocence that she’s in...she loves Jesus and sings Sunday School songs...she calls her brothers "immature" when they play with worms and pick up dead birds...the other day I think I adverted disaster when she asked..."Daddy, will I have a baby one day?" .....I thought to myself...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO no way, I’m not having this talk yet!!! helllllll no! so I said "of course" and changed the subject.....
Yes, I know....if her little inquisitive mind keeps bringing up the subject I will have to have a daddy/Victoria date over a chocolate chip frappucino with her...(yes, she requests it from Starbucks)....and explain the facts of life to her....I PRAY that I have 2 more years...
As I watched her sleep, and grew annoyed at my lack of sleep, I turned on the TV and there was Leno on the West-Coast, 2 am feed.....making off-the-wall comments about Britney Spears...I listened....and for some reason felt offended and dirty...I could not help but think about a time when somewhere, someone lay next to a little feverish Mouseketeer named Britney who was 6 years old....a little innocent little girl who’d never been in a music video, never befriended Paris Hilton, never been exploited by the media, the music industry, MTV, Rolling Stone, a country, and consequently a world of oversexed men AND women...me included...
I thought about her career and about the world and how it can turn on a dime...Britney broke ground with her music at about the time that I got married in 96/97...and how here I am 11 years later and it really does not seem like it was that long ago....but it’s been over a decade...I remember the first time that I saw the "Hit Me One More Time" video followed by an interview with her, and I remember thinking..."This is not the same girl as on the video!", the girl in the video was kinda....skanky, hot but skanky....this girl was sweet and looked.......innocent. Victoria slept soundly next to me under the glow of the television...
For some reason I had a vivid memory of a time when Britney was a guest on the Jay Leno show and I remembered thinking how well she did singing the song and dancing at the same time...I remember thinking how cool it was that she really was singing (you could tell that at some moments she’d get slightly pitchy, within reason, she’s dancing for crying out loud!) and remembering what a gentleman Leno was to her that night...as he usually is to his female guests...and then what a sujestive joke he had just made about her...
Since I always criticize people for being predictable, I am not going to be one and make this blog about what a hypocrite Jay Leno is....he did not make all of the bad decisions that Britney made in her life....she’s brought about her reputation on her own...made a spectacle of herself through her behaviour....non of it Leno’s fault...however, I can’t help but think of 2 things...
First, none of us can deny that at the age of 16...Britney’s first music video was nothing but an image that she had put on? is it not true that the Catholic School Girl slut that she protrayed was just an image? a "costume" if you will? now... can we also not say that Britney in 2008 does not fit in those clothes a whole lot better and aptly than back then in the late 90s? Is it perhaps that if you tell someone everyday..."You’re 99% sex, you’re 99% sex, you’re 99% sex" eventually they will take on the form of all that you’ve endoctrinated them to be?
Second, I ask...who benefitted from Britney’s image along her career? sure, of course Britney herself did, she’s made untold millions dancing suggestively....but what about the rest of us who were already grown and thinking beings when she broke as a teen-ager?....did we not watch her videos? did the labes not make millions off of her? did MTV not sell advertising through the roof with every video spin?, with every belly-button-baring special?, did women not catfight themselves into the last issue of People to get the latest on her and K-Mart-Fed? Did we not all somehow exploit her?....and yet we now hypocritically, condecendingly and self righteously shake our heads at the pictures of an out of control Britney, with her head shaved, broken by drug and alcohol abuse, crying over the loss of custody of her kids....and yet we’ll call her a slut and a freak when we all contributed our grain of sand to her demise? Again, we did not make her bad choices....she did....but God knows that without the adoration of countless fans and the comfort of millions of dollars, I’ve made bad choices that continue to haunt me to this day...
Victoria rolled over and mumbled something about Diego in her sleep....
And yet this is not a rant about how bad we are and how good Britney is...no, this is a father watching his 6 year old daughter sleep at 3 am...terrified of the world....thankful for a praying mother who daily bends her knees and prays God’s protection over her little grandaughter...and yet all I can do is teach her right from wrong, teach her self respect, teach her to value herself as God and her daddy do...teach her that money and material possesions are not everything and that kindness and charity are infinitely more valuable...
I look at myself and it challenges me to everyday want to be a better human being than the one I am today....for her sake and that of her brothers....UGH! another knee....this time to my ribcage...and as I cram a pillow between her and my dangerous child...I move the hair from her face and give her a kiss on the forehead...I smell her Strawberry Shortcake Shampoo...I love her so much...I will live for her, I would die for her...
Friday, March 14, 2008
~Just Because
I love you because of all you are...because you’re a fallible human being like I am...sometimes I see a little of the skin beneath the make up where you missed a spot and I wish it would all come off...I wanna see the touch of the years that you’re trying so hard to hide...the years that are also touching my skin....and celebrate the triumph of all in this world that we’ve overcome...just because.
And I love you because of your heart...and how you tear up in a sweet moment in a movie...or when someone else who’s speaking starts to cry....for the tenderness that is "you"...for the little girl who never grew...for the princess, butterfly, the mermaid, the fairy and the muse that you are and have been so many times since you were a child....for the dreams that lie unfulfilled waiting for me to get my hands on them and romance them into existence... just because...
I also love you for where you’ve been...for the parts of your life that overlap with mine...for the songs that you grew up with that I was growing up with too...for the one and simple fact that a simple tune can carry you and I through the fabric of time to a place that’s long gone and forgotten by everyone else but us...for the silly hairdos that you wore when they were fashionable...and for how much I would have loved you in them if I’d had you back then...for the tacky clothes that you loved back when they were in fashion and how I would have desired you because of them if we would have been friends then... for all the similar lessons that life taught us individually yet mutually simply by living in the same decades and growing up when we did...the just because...
I love you for who I know you can be...and because I have seen the potential in you and I know of all that you’re truly capable of achieving and becoming, and I dream that all that’s missing in your life is me...only to tell you every day that one soul in this world has no doubt at all that there’s nothing you can’t do, no dream you can’t accomplish...to hold you as tight as you wanna be held and let go when you need to be let go....just because...
I love you for what you bring out in me...for the shot of rocket fuel that it is to my veins when you say, "I still love you"...and that you’re proud of me...and that you believe in me....I love you for inspiring me to be the man I know that I can be if I have someone to be that man for...I want to rope the moon, I want to reach the stars, I want to paint the sky, and conquer the universe only to bring in on a platter to you.....to love you....to live and breathe with you....drink your smile and swim in the ocean of your eyes.....and not one single second of one single day forget what my life was like without you.....just because....just because...may I never forget when I do have you...what my life was like without you...just because.
And I love you because of your heart...and how you tear up in a sweet moment in a movie...or when someone else who’s speaking starts to cry....for the tenderness that is "you"...for the little girl who never grew...for the princess, butterfly, the mermaid, the fairy and the muse that you are and have been so many times since you were a child....for the dreams that lie unfulfilled waiting for me to get my hands on them and romance them into existence... just because...
I also love you for where you’ve been...for the parts of your life that overlap with mine...for the songs that you grew up with that I was growing up with too...for the one and simple fact that a simple tune can carry you and I through the fabric of time to a place that’s long gone and forgotten by everyone else but us...for the silly hairdos that you wore when they were fashionable...and for how much I would have loved you in them if I’d had you back then...for the tacky clothes that you loved back when they were in fashion and how I would have desired you because of them if we would have been friends then... for all the similar lessons that life taught us individually yet mutually simply by living in the same decades and growing up when we did...the just because...
I love you for who I know you can be...and because I have seen the potential in you and I know of all that you’re truly capable of achieving and becoming, and I dream that all that’s missing in your life is me...only to tell you every day that one soul in this world has no doubt at all that there’s nothing you can’t do, no dream you can’t accomplish...to hold you as tight as you wanna be held and let go when you need to be let go....just because...
I love you for what you bring out in me...for the shot of rocket fuel that it is to my veins when you say, "I still love you"...and that you’re proud of me...and that you believe in me....I love you for inspiring me to be the man I know that I can be if I have someone to be that man for...I want to rope the moon, I want to reach the stars, I want to paint the sky, and conquer the universe only to bring in on a platter to you.....to love you....to live and breathe with you....drink your smile and swim in the ocean of your eyes.....and not one single second of one single day forget what my life was like without you.....just because....just because...may I never forget when I do have you...what my life was like without you...just because.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Hanna Montana Concert
A couple of weeks ago I took my little girl to see Hanna Montana in concert...upon returning I had bucketfuls to say but good ole MySpace decided to mess up my blog and it was out of commission until 2 days after the Superbowl...of course I had bucketfuls to say about that too so I blogged about that...I almost scrapped this one but could not bring myself to do so...I know that some of you (especially my lady friends) that participated in my research for the Primaries blog are expecting to see that...I promise that it's on the way!
Ok…so I've decided to do a commentary on the Hanna Montana show…it would make sense being that I work in the entertainment industry for me to do a "technical" commentary so I will do a brief one…
The production was amazing…live band set up, typical arena "end stage" with a "Thrust" runway for intimate interaction with the public…the floor of the catwalk was a plexiglass with an LED wall on it's back so that Hannah/Miley could literally be dancing on the screen…
Christian girl-rocker band Everlife opened and put on a great teeny-girl band performance, DEFINITELY warming up the 5 to 12 year old female demographic…they had a 40 minute set, that was ….rockingly cute… how's that?
Then came out Hannah Montana with her band after a brief intermission, the band, (obviously VERY enhanced by background tracks and vocals) DID in fact play live (Drums, Keyboards, Bass, and 2 guitars)…a great band, very tight and very entertaining.
Full compliment of dancers and background vocalists…the lighting show and multimedia was a bit of a disappointment for me….the lighting package was comprised of the obligatory vari-lights rig…unfortunately (and maybe because of the multiple dance numbers) the lighting director made priority the use of the VL5's which are a color, par wash, as opposed to VL6's which make patterns and really cool light rays…it makes for a much more dramatic look…it was well lit but rather lackluster…plenty of Pyros, confetti and streamers….
Perhaps the most disappointing part came from the multimedia complement…I saw Keith Urban a couple of months back and the multimedia MADE that show…The HM show is still using Barco Projection screens, that while were pretty bright for Barcos they don't even come close to the punch of LED walls….I'm a bit puzzled as to why they went with Barcos as opposed to LED walls, budget CERTAINLY can not be an issue on this tour…not to mention the fact that all of her contemporaries like the Cheetah Girls and just about anything Disney birthed is using LED's (Including N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys)…Something tells me that they were using I-MAG for tour support…so behind the times….LED Walls, and the lighting would have made all the difference in the world.
She closed the show with the only tune even the most clueless or parents could have sang along to by virtue of being the opening theme to the TV show…. "Best of Both Worlds" …she did an encore with 2 VERY weak songs…she should have gone out with Best of Both worlds…
OK!!!!! That was my tech review! Now here's ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Victoria's daddy's review….
When I told my daughter that I had tickets, I was attacked and hugged and kissed like I had just saved her life….thank you and I love you was all that she kept repeating… I must admit that I was not 100% in tune to how much she loved and knew of Hannah Montana…
I must also say that my sons were very cool about this…I did not take them…and in all honesty I'd rather take them with me to see Night Ranger in Vero Beach in 2 weeks than take them to see Hannah Montana…but they understood that it was something sweet that daddy wanted to do for their sister…they went with me to break the news to her that we had tickets and really enjoyed watching her spaz out!
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The show was cool…she got dressed up very "rock and rollish" courtesy of tia Lili…and then we took pictures for a little bit…then we drove 45 minutes to the absolutely gorgeous area of Biscayne Bay to the American Airlines Arena, of course we had to buy a shirt and then lemonade and popcorn and on to the show!
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http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e249/Rudemanlan/hanna%20montan/?action=view¤t=stage3.jpg" target="_blank">..http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e249/Rudemanlan/hanna%20montan/stage3.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket">
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My friend Logan and his fiancée Amanda are actually on the tour, so we were able to hang out with them for a little bit and then back to the show… she screamed, danced and jumped for an hour and a half and she sang along to probably 80% of the songs… the whole time I'm thinking… "when did you learn all of these songs?"….
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When it was all over we went back to the car and then back home….she was a little chatter box and would not stop talking about it…about the time we got out of traffic and onto I-95 I could tell she was running out of energy and she said, "daddy, why don't you play something you like now?"… I said "really?" she nodded yes… "ok, I said, so I plugged the i-pod and put on Supertramp's Greatest Hits…about the time that Long Way Home came on she was out cold in the back seat…
As we drove home I could not help but to think of the time that Miley's dad Billy Ray made a total ass of himself at the Grammy's with his Achey Breakey Heart dance…it was quite embarrassing for him… God bless him though…good daddy, when he heard about the Hannah Montana auditions he went to Disney (knowing full well that Disney was looking for an older actress for the part) and said to them "I realize that Miley does not stand a chance of getting the part because she's not what you guys are looking for, but would you please let her audition? I just want for her to get the experience of an audition…" What Billy knew though was that Miley was good…..really good….he quietly set her up for success, and when she floored them at the audition (which you can see on YouTube by the way), he just stood there proud of his little girl…
We drove home and I carried Victoria to her bed…I tucked her in…she insisted on wearing her Miley concert Tee to bed…as I walked out of her room and turned out her light she said, "daddy?"…. "do you think Miley's dad took her to concerts?" …. I replied… "I'm pretty sure he did…."… "I love you daddy…." I'm a lucky man.
Ok…so I've decided to do a commentary on the Hanna Montana show…it would make sense being that I work in the entertainment industry for me to do a "technical" commentary so I will do a brief one…
The production was amazing…live band set up, typical arena "end stage" with a "Thrust" runway for intimate interaction with the public…the floor of the catwalk was a plexiglass with an LED wall on it's back so that Hannah/Miley could literally be dancing on the screen…
Christian girl-rocker band Everlife opened and put on a great teeny-girl band performance, DEFINITELY warming up the 5 to 12 year old female demographic…they had a 40 minute set, that was ….rockingly cute… how's that?
Then came out Hannah Montana with her band after a brief intermission, the band, (obviously VERY enhanced by background tracks and vocals) DID in fact play live (Drums, Keyboards, Bass, and 2 guitars)…a great band, very tight and very entertaining.
Full compliment of dancers and background vocalists…the lighting show and multimedia was a bit of a disappointment for me….the lighting package was comprised of the obligatory vari-lights rig…unfortunately (and maybe because of the multiple dance numbers) the lighting director made priority the use of the VL5's which are a color, par wash, as opposed to VL6's which make patterns and really cool light rays…it makes for a much more dramatic look…it was well lit but rather lackluster…plenty of Pyros, confetti and streamers….
Perhaps the most disappointing part came from the multimedia complement…I saw Keith Urban a couple of months back and the multimedia MADE that show…The HM show is still using Barco Projection screens, that while were pretty bright for Barcos they don't even come close to the punch of LED walls….I'm a bit puzzled as to why they went with Barcos as opposed to LED walls, budget CERTAINLY can not be an issue on this tour…not to mention the fact that all of her contemporaries like the Cheetah Girls and just about anything Disney birthed is using LED's (Including N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys)…Something tells me that they were using I-MAG for tour support…so behind the times….LED Walls, and the lighting would have made all the difference in the world.
She closed the show with the only tune even the most clueless or parents could have sang along to by virtue of being the opening theme to the TV show…. "Best of Both Worlds" …she did an encore with 2 VERY weak songs…she should have gone out with Best of Both worlds…
OK!!!!! That was my tech review! Now here's ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Victoria's daddy's review….
When I told my daughter that I had tickets, I was attacked and hugged and kissed like I had just saved her life….thank you and I love you was all that she kept repeating… I must admit that I was not 100% in tune to how much she loved and knew of Hannah Montana…
I must also say that my sons were very cool about this…I did not take them…and in all honesty I'd rather take them with me to see Night Ranger in Vero Beach in 2 weeks than take them to see Hannah Montana…but they understood that it was something sweet that daddy wanted to do for their sister…they went with me to break the news to her that we had tickets and really enjoyed watching her spaz out!
Photobucket
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The show was cool…she got dressed up very "rock and rollish" courtesy of tia Lili…and then we took pictures for a little bit…then we drove 45 minutes to the absolutely gorgeous area of Biscayne Bay to the American Airlines Arena, of course we had to buy a shirt and then lemonade and popcorn and on to the show!
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http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e249/Rudemanlan/hanna%20montan/?action=view¤t=stage3.jpg" target="_blank">..http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e249/Rudemanlan/hanna%20montan/stage3.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket">
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My friend Logan and his fiancée Amanda are actually on the tour, so we were able to hang out with them for a little bit and then back to the show… she screamed, danced and jumped for an hour and a half and she sang along to probably 80% of the songs… the whole time I'm thinking… "when did you learn all of these songs?"….
Photobucket
When it was all over we went back to the car and then back home….she was a little chatter box and would not stop talking about it…about the time we got out of traffic and onto I-95 I could tell she was running out of energy and she said, "daddy, why don't you play something you like now?"… I said "really?" she nodded yes… "ok, I said, so I plugged the i-pod and put on Supertramp's Greatest Hits…about the time that Long Way Home came on she was out cold in the back seat…
As we drove home I could not help but to think of the time that Miley's dad Billy Ray made a total ass of himself at the Grammy's with his Achey Breakey Heart dance…it was quite embarrassing for him… God bless him though…good daddy, when he heard about the Hannah Montana auditions he went to Disney (knowing full well that Disney was looking for an older actress for the part) and said to them "I realize that Miley does not stand a chance of getting the part because she's not what you guys are looking for, but would you please let her audition? I just want for her to get the experience of an audition…" What Billy knew though was that Miley was good…..really good….he quietly set her up for success, and when she floored them at the audition (which you can see on YouTube by the way), he just stood there proud of his little girl…
We drove home and I carried Victoria to her bed…I tucked her in…she insisted on wearing her Miley concert Tee to bed…as I walked out of her room and turned out her light she said, "daddy?"…. "do you think Miley's dad took her to concerts?" …. I replied… "I'm pretty sure he did…."… "I love you daddy…." I'm a lucky man.
Monday, January 21, 2008
A Valiant Effort...
Every now and then, you hear people use that expression, especially at sporting events after one team obliterates the other one. Let's be realistic, a "valiant effort" is usually reserved for the party that got their butts handed to them. It's the dignified version of "bless his heart", in other words..."you poor loser....you tried, there's no denying that, but you're still a loser."
I'm typing this in a Hardees restaurant parking lot at 6:30 am in Chatanooga, the Tennessee dawn has not yet broken. After driving all day from Miami yesterday, last night at about 11:30 am, I pulled over at a rest stop and turned in for the night. I had slept very little the night before and I was wiped out. I've done this a million times but not too many times in subfreezing temperatures.
I was scared to leave the engine running for 2 reasons, the main one was the fact that the gas tank was pretty low and I was afraid of waking up to being out of gas in the bitter cold. The other reason, truthfully, gas has gotten too damned expensive!!
So I made my bed in the back of the Durango and I have a really good quality sleeping. I was pretty comfortable while the residual heater atmosphere lasted...
Then the temperature dropped....
I slept (probably out of sheer exhaustion) for about 4 hours. At 5:00 am I woke up FREEZING! I looked at the digital thermometer on the dashboard.... 14 DEGREES!!! What I had failed to consider was that a GREAT sleeping bag keeps your body heat trapped, which means you'll sweat, when you invariably try to cool off by opening the bag, you will now be wet AND cold. It was miserable. I changed by wet tshirt in that weather, I tried to reshuffle, put on my sweatshirt, pulled the hoodie over my head, just when I was about to go for an extra set of socks I thought, "UGH!!! get up and keep driving to Nashville you moron!"
Needless to say, I was in a really cranky mood. You know, the one where you're actually talking to yourself? mocking your very words from about a week ago...."I'll just drive this time...and then I'll just sleep at a rest stop."
As I sat back up in the front seat and turned on the vehicle, covered in freezing sweat, miserably waiting through the 10 or so minutes that it takes the heat in 15 degree weather to kick-in, shivering (literally), cranky, and sleepy, I looked at my Facebook feed and saw a picture of Bill Belichick and for some reason I heard his voice in my head saying, "Rudy....It was a valiant effort!"....the only thing that came out of my mouth was........"G-G-God I hate the Patriots! I H-H-HATE THEM."
I'm typing this in a Hardees restaurant parking lot at 6:30 am in Chatanooga, the Tennessee dawn has not yet broken. After driving all day from Miami yesterday, last night at about 11:30 am, I pulled over at a rest stop and turned in for the night. I had slept very little the night before and I was wiped out. I've done this a million times but not too many times in subfreezing temperatures.
I was scared to leave the engine running for 2 reasons, the main one was the fact that the gas tank was pretty low and I was afraid of waking up to being out of gas in the bitter cold. The other reason, truthfully, gas has gotten too damned expensive!!
So I made my bed in the back of the Durango and I have a really good quality sleeping. I was pretty comfortable while the residual heater atmosphere lasted...
Then the temperature dropped....
I slept (probably out of sheer exhaustion) for about 4 hours. At 5:00 am I woke up FREEZING! I looked at the digital thermometer on the dashboard.... 14 DEGREES!!! What I had failed to consider was that a GREAT sleeping bag keeps your body heat trapped, which means you'll sweat, when you invariably try to cool off by opening the bag, you will now be wet AND cold. It was miserable. I changed by wet tshirt in that weather, I tried to reshuffle, put on my sweatshirt, pulled the hoodie over my head, just when I was about to go for an extra set of socks I thought, "UGH!!! get up and keep driving to Nashville you moron!"
Needless to say, I was in a really cranky mood. You know, the one where you're actually talking to yourself? mocking your very words from about a week ago...."I'll just drive this time...and then I'll just sleep at a rest stop."
As I sat back up in the front seat and turned on the vehicle, covered in freezing sweat, miserably waiting through the 10 or so minutes that it takes the heat in 15 degree weather to kick-in, shivering (literally), cranky, and sleepy, I looked at my Facebook feed and saw a picture of Bill Belichick and for some reason I heard his voice in my head saying, "Rudy....It was a valiant effort!"....the only thing that came out of my mouth was........"G-G-God I hate the Patriots! I H-H-HATE THEM."
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
~Letters, Notebooks, Paneling
I should be sleeping....but just like I have had for the last 3 years....I have insomnia and I'm awake...tomorrow I'll be sleepy in the daytime and won't be able to sleep cause I have stuff to do....so I'll write....
First, I have not forgotten, there are 3 Reader appreciation blogs that I owe you guys...I promise to finish those soon!!! you guys rock...
I had 2 AMAZING compliments given to me over the last couple of weeks...you know, the kind that actually do really flatter you....one friend of mine said "you've inspired me to write".....love ya girl! the second one said, "I'm staying on MySpace and not Facebook just for your blog"...ok....you know? that's like really awesome....Ms. Willig in 10th grade English would be proud! "Rudy Landa inspiring ANYONE to write???? I did'nt know he could spell inspire?"....ok maybe I"m exaggerating....but the whole writing thing for me (other than music of course) has been something that blossomed really late in my life....
As any blogger would tell you....a blogger blogs whether or not he/she has readers...when you blog.....truly blog.....the content falls somewhere between, journal/diary and essay/creative writing....but no matter how you approach it...it's the writer sharing his/her heart....if that writer is as lucky and blessed as I am....he has 2 readers that give a hoot about reading his blog! I am extraordinarily blessed to have you guys!!! I treasure EVERYONE of my subscribed readers...
I am a packrat ya'll....it's not that I pack away a lot....for some reason I get attached to things...if I was a chick I would probably scrapbook....but I"m not, I'm a guy, extremely straight, and I just end up with a lot of stuff in boxes that has followed me for years....
Tonight I looked in a corner of my office and saw a small box that was on top of and behind a bunch of boxes that I brought from Charlotte when I came back to Miami....(there's still a bunch of boxes in my garage in Charlotte!) anyways, I don't know why I took interest in this box...it was smaller than the rest I guess, and (even now as I type and look around my office) I can probably guess with pretty good accuracy what's in the other boxes...my effects processor box with manuals, my homeowners papers, school books of the kids from their kindergarten year, BetaSp tapes of my years producing Real Videos and working for Programming at INSP...but that little box was staring at me....and I did't have a clue...
So I opened it......pretty mundane stuff....I actually remember packing it about 2 years ago...my only 2 remaining year books...my 8th grade yearbook and my senior year yearbook....(the others were destroyed in Hurricane Andrew)...at the bottom of the box though there was a generic looking notebook that read "Subject Notebook"....it was in surprisingly good condition....I picked it up and opened it to flip through the pages....pressed inside, I found a handwritten letter....several pages long...it was from back in the days before home computers...before email, unlimited long distance, and Instant Messenger...back when we used envelopes and stamps and when keeping in touch was reserved for those who really cared to.
The letter was a letter that my mother wrote to me on the eve of my move to Nashville....I could almost hear the tears in her eyes through the writing as she selflessly wrote....go out there and give it your all....and if it doesn't work at least you'll always know that you tried....mom and I had become very close then being that we had just spend a year and a half rebuilding our home after Hurricane Andrew....I had taken over the contractor duties and did most of the woodwork in her home...we'd spent a lot of time together either arguing about how she could never just be content she wanted it MORE VICTORIAN!!!....or laughing together and telling goofy jokes or just listening as she lectured me about letting go of my anger that I had dragged through my teen years, and how God expected better than that.....it was hard for me to leave to Nashville, but it was my destiny, I knew it, and so I went....
....and so on the Aug morning when I woke up at 4 am...my minivan was already packed with.....boxes.....3 of them, my amp, my effect rack, my clothes and of course, my guitars....I drove out before dawn hugged my family and my best friend and I was off to conquer the world....a pivotal moment in my life. As I started to drive off, my mom gave me her letter and said, "read it when you get there...." tonight it all came back....so real, I was so there at 4 am a few yards from where I sit right now....and yet my life is so drastically different now....did I come back to Miami successful? I don't know, who defines success? and if so how do they measure it? I came back more weathered and hopefully wiser....(either way I did't come home empty handed, 3 little children came back with me)
Aside from the letter, that notebook also had random thoughts, songs I wrote in the early 90s, boy, my mind was in other places back then....I can so read the innocence and naivete in my writing from then....it was so long ago, so much has changed and yet it seems so recent...so much I'd love to do over, so much I'd love to change, so much I'd just love to live again.
At the end of the notebook....my to do list on our home before I left to Nashville...
-Finish the baseboards on the hallways upstairs
-Finish all paneling
-Check all waterlines for leaks
-put up lattice around back deck
-Paint all remaining unpainted wood
Some of that never got done, which is why I'm redoing the whole living room now! the other day I pulled a 15 year old piece of panneling and came face to face with my handwriting that read, "I love you Mary", "Bill Clinton Sucks" and "Elena 305-756-**** " ....the past never goes away ya'll....it's in boxes and under panneling.
The last page of the notebook read "My Nashville Check list" and it read just like this...
NASHVILLE CHECKLIST
Transportation
Equipment
Housing
Spending money
1.Tune up car $100
repaint? $300 (where was I gonna get it painted for $300!!??? lol)
UHaul or Ryder (evidently I thought I had very big guitars)
Gas and Travel $100 (ok this is just depressing, I can't get to Orlando on $100 dollars of gas now!)
2. GPS2101- $800 (no not a GPS tracker, this was a guitar processor that I felt would be my key to getting to the top of the nashville guitar scene.....SHA!)
EMGs $300 (guitar pickups)
Sonic Max $250 (honestly folks.....NOT A CLUE! some kind of flavor of the week gadget for the guitar I'm sure)
Cabinet $300 (I wanted a 4 X 12 cab really bad....
*this is my favorite one.....
1st, 2nd, and last month rent @ $300 a month...$900
phone $100
Life was simpler then......the little notebook, the letter, and the yearbook now go back in the box, we'll see when they resurface...me ?I'm going to bed....I have to finish the paneling in the morning....who knows?....maybe in the morning I'll write under the pannling, "Rudy Giuliani in 08"...........I like his name.
** if you read this before I revise it for grammar and sentence structure, I apologize...It's late and I'm going to bed....I will clean it up later, please come back and check it out again**
First, I have not forgotten, there are 3 Reader appreciation blogs that I owe you guys...I promise to finish those soon!!! you guys rock...
I had 2 AMAZING compliments given to me over the last couple of weeks...you know, the kind that actually do really flatter you....one friend of mine said "you've inspired me to write".....love ya girl! the second one said, "I'm staying on MySpace and not Facebook just for your blog"...ok....you know? that's like really awesome....Ms. Willig in 10th grade English would be proud! "Rudy Landa inspiring ANYONE to write???? I did'nt know he could spell inspire?"....ok maybe I"m exaggerating....but the whole writing thing for me (other than music of course) has been something that blossomed really late in my life....
As any blogger would tell you....a blogger blogs whether or not he/she has readers...when you blog.....truly blog.....the content falls somewhere between, journal/diary and essay/creative writing....but no matter how you approach it...it's the writer sharing his/her heart....if that writer is as lucky and blessed as I am....he has 2 readers that give a hoot about reading his blog! I am extraordinarily blessed to have you guys!!! I treasure EVERYONE of my subscribed readers...
I am a packrat ya'll....it's not that I pack away a lot....for some reason I get attached to things...if I was a chick I would probably scrapbook....but I"m not, I'm a guy, extremely straight, and I just end up with a lot of stuff in boxes that has followed me for years....
Tonight I looked in a corner of my office and saw a small box that was on top of and behind a bunch of boxes that I brought from Charlotte when I came back to Miami....(there's still a bunch of boxes in my garage in Charlotte!) anyways, I don't know why I took interest in this box...it was smaller than the rest I guess, and (even now as I type and look around my office) I can probably guess with pretty good accuracy what's in the other boxes...my effects processor box with manuals, my homeowners papers, school books of the kids from their kindergarten year, BetaSp tapes of my years producing Real Videos and working for Programming at INSP...but that little box was staring at me....and I did't have a clue...
So I opened it......pretty mundane stuff....I actually remember packing it about 2 years ago...my only 2 remaining year books...my 8th grade yearbook and my senior year yearbook....(the others were destroyed in Hurricane Andrew)...at the bottom of the box though there was a generic looking notebook that read "Subject Notebook"....it was in surprisingly good condition....I picked it up and opened it to flip through the pages....pressed inside, I found a handwritten letter....several pages long...it was from back in the days before home computers...before email, unlimited long distance, and Instant Messenger...back when we used envelopes and stamps and when keeping in touch was reserved for those who really cared to.
The letter was a letter that my mother wrote to me on the eve of my move to Nashville....I could almost hear the tears in her eyes through the writing as she selflessly wrote....go out there and give it your all....and if it doesn't work at least you'll always know that you tried....mom and I had become very close then being that we had just spend a year and a half rebuilding our home after Hurricane Andrew....I had taken over the contractor duties and did most of the woodwork in her home...we'd spent a lot of time together either arguing about how she could never just be content she wanted it MORE VICTORIAN!!!....or laughing together and telling goofy jokes or just listening as she lectured me about letting go of my anger that I had dragged through my teen years, and how God expected better than that.....it was hard for me to leave to Nashville, but it was my destiny, I knew it, and so I went....
....and so on the Aug morning when I woke up at 4 am...my minivan was already packed with.....boxes.....3 of them, my amp, my effect rack, my clothes and of course, my guitars....I drove out before dawn hugged my family and my best friend and I was off to conquer the world....a pivotal moment in my life. As I started to drive off, my mom gave me her letter and said, "read it when you get there...." tonight it all came back....so real, I was so there at 4 am a few yards from where I sit right now....and yet my life is so drastically different now....did I come back to Miami successful? I don't know, who defines success? and if so how do they measure it? I came back more weathered and hopefully wiser....(either way I did't come home empty handed, 3 little children came back with me)
Aside from the letter, that notebook also had random thoughts, songs I wrote in the early 90s, boy, my mind was in other places back then....I can so read the innocence and naivete in my writing from then....it was so long ago, so much has changed and yet it seems so recent...so much I'd love to do over, so much I'd love to change, so much I'd just love to live again.
At the end of the notebook....my to do list on our home before I left to Nashville...
-Finish the baseboards on the hallways upstairs
-Finish all paneling
-Check all waterlines for leaks
-put up lattice around back deck
-Paint all remaining unpainted wood
Some of that never got done, which is why I'm redoing the whole living room now! the other day I pulled a 15 year old piece of panneling and came face to face with my handwriting that read, "I love you Mary", "Bill Clinton Sucks" and "Elena 305-756-**** " ....the past never goes away ya'll....it's in boxes and under panneling.
The last page of the notebook read "My Nashville Check list" and it read just like this...
NASHVILLE CHECKLIST
Transportation
Equipment
Housing
Spending money
1.Tune up car $100
repaint? $300 (where was I gonna get it painted for $300!!??? lol)
UHaul or Ryder (evidently I thought I had very big guitars)
Gas and Travel $100 (ok this is just depressing, I can't get to Orlando on $100 dollars of gas now!)
2. GPS2101- $800 (no not a GPS tracker, this was a guitar processor that I felt would be my key to getting to the top of the nashville guitar scene.....SHA!)
EMGs $300 (guitar pickups)
Sonic Max $250 (honestly folks.....NOT A CLUE! some kind of flavor of the week gadget for the guitar I'm sure)
Cabinet $300 (I wanted a 4 X 12 cab really bad....
*this is my favorite one.....
1st, 2nd, and last month rent @ $300 a month...$900
phone $100
Life was simpler then......the little notebook, the letter, and the yearbook now go back in the box, we'll see when they resurface...me ?I'm going to bed....I have to finish the paneling in the morning....who knows?....maybe in the morning I'll write under the pannling, "Rudy Giuliani in 08"...........I like his name.
** if you read this before I revise it for grammar and sentence structure, I apologize...It's late and I'm going to bed....I will clean it up later, please come back and check it out again**
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