Valentine's Day Blog (FEB 13, 2009)

Man how the world turns on a dime....I wrote this post on Feb 13 of 2009....I miss feeling the way I felt that night....funny read.

My Valentine's Day blog....

To all the girls I've loved before, who've traveled in and out my door....I'm glad they came along, I dedicate this song, to all the girls I've loved before..........Do you remember that silly song by Julio Iglecias and Willie Nelson? I remember being pretty young and seeing him and Willie at the Grammy's they sang the duet live and next day it was on the radio.....(creative marketing for a webless decade!) 

I remember thinking at the time....dang dude, all the girls you've "loved" before? at said time, my experience pretty much consisted of my 4-7th grade crushes....one little "girlfriend"...my Jr. High years were pretty much awash with a story that would repeat itself in my life over and over and over....I'd be into girls that would have nothing to do with me, and I'd completely ignore the ones that were into me.....silly little human nature huh?
So it goes, highschool came and the same story....went out on dates when I got a car...movies and dinner mainly...as much as the average highschool kid...(maybe a little less)....definitely not the life of a highschool "player".....not by a long shot....

Oddly enough it was the last week of highschool that my world got rocked by an underclassgirl who I fell for BADLY....the cool part....so did she...


Would have been, could have been, should have been....here it is 2009....never was.
We dated for about 10 months and it was college for me....the rest of highschool for her...then there was the typical college life...romances here and there.....blah, blah, blah, marriage, kids, divorce.......today.


I've said several times here in this very blog, that if there was one thing that I could do differently about my life, it would have been to not chase things that were not meant to be as much as I did in highschool and even college...to walk away the moment that I realized that it was not going to happen.......and to maybe give that girl who did in-fact like me, a chance....


Isn't that just like human nature? to always want what we can't have........so have I changed? have I learned my lesson? I'd like to think I have......there is so much more at stake these days....it's not only my heart on the line but also those of my kids.....I'm at a point in my life where I'm dating, going out on A LOT of "JUST FRIENDS" dates...(believe it or not it's me who keeps making that clear!)...and then of course there's my "besties" who love me, spoil me, and with whom romance would be highly unlikely.......not necessarily impossible....just unlikely because there's just too good of a friendship.....and I honestly would hate my  life without them....you know who they are.........it's a lot of the girls on my pics (not all of them) who everyone's always asking me about......


and then there's the "up in the air" category...those romantic interests in my life where "anything could happen".....maybe just friends....maybe more....lol...those are the ones that keep life really interesting.....(this is where I traditionally messed up! going after Ms. Wrong and ignoring Ms. actually-interested-in-me). Have I learned?


If I'm ever going to learn my lessons it has to be now when I'm clear headed and not being led by emotions....for once in my life I can honestly say that "I'm not looking for a relationship of any kind".......dont get me wrong, if one comes along then great...but right now........just got other stuff to do.....so my head is clearer than it has ever been.....


The other day a friend of mine sent me a note sharing her "feelings" for me....and how she's had them for a long time....she was not trying to "start" anything with me, but felt that telling me this had been a long time coming........I was astounded.....I honestly was at a lack of words to hear her sincerity....then I realized how many times I probably should have just been sincere with someone and left it alone....who knows what may have happened? but it got me to thinking about all of the instances of unrequited love that I ever endured.........or worse, maybe put someone through......


As you all know, this blog is not only my soapbox but also my outlet for venting and tonight on the eve of Valentine's Day 09 I want to vent this to make me feel at peace....
To any woman who ever felt anything for me.....whether you told me or not, whether I knew or not, thank you.....I respect your feelings and do not take them lightly....if I was ever a jerk or blew you off I'm am profoundly sorry and I wish upon 10 lifetimes to never be that man again......for as silly as the world is in 2009, my little boys now have a front row seat to see the way that their single father treats a woman, and I only want the best for them too.......Happy Valentine's Day......lot's of love to everyone!